I want easy. I need hard.
I know adversity is good for me, but I'm still going to bitch about it.
Don’t you just love easy days?
Those days when you wake up rested, all your clients are happy and no one needs you to solve any problems?
Man, I love those days.
I like easy assignments. The ones I could do with only half my brain while the other half scrolls Instagram.
The problem is, I don’t become a better podcast producer on easy days. Easy days don’t force me to find new solutions and learn new skills. They allow me to stay right where I’m comfortable.
So really, I should be thankful for how uncomfortable and stressed I’ve been lately.
To be clear: I am NOT complaining about my clients. My clients are good people treating me fairly, paying me the rate that I requested. This is just what running a business is like. Sometimes you have nothing to do and you’re worried you’ll never land another client and sometimes it’s raining clients.
My husband and I have a saying for times like this: When it rains, you put out a bucket. My buckets are overflowing, folks. I have no days off. Most nights I don’t finish work until 8 or 9 pm.
A few weeks ago, I started sub-contracting out some of my work just to keep my head above water. Yesterday, my husband suggested I hire more freelancers and I snapped back “I have 5 freelancers right now! I’m up to my eyeballs in freelancers!”
I feel a deep need to complain, but at the same time, I feel so guilty for complaining.
This is for 2 reasons:
Reason #1: My work history resembles either a beautiful mosaic or a shit show depending on how you look at it. Childcare, dog and cat care, Eldercare, education, grocery store, spa… I’ve done it all. There were several years in my 20’s where I filed FIVE W-2’s at tax time.
I have seen everything gainful employment has to offer and I say “No thank you” to all of it. Working for myself is the best job I’ve ever had. At least now, when things are crazy, I don’t have to just rush around by myself, cursing management for not hiring more people. I can make the decision to hire more people.
A few weeks ago when I wanted a new desk, I didn’t have to beg, fill out paperwork, get a doctor’s note, remind HR 3 times and wait 9 months. I just bought a new desk and started using it. I’ve worked jobs where I wasn’t allowed to drink water unless I was on my break. Now I have at least one, sometimes two, drinks on my desk at all times.
All that to say, I’m very aware that I have it better than 75% of the American workforce.
Reason #2 I feel guilty for complaining: I’m a middle-class American in 2024. By every measurable standard, my life is awesome.
Two Christmases ago, I collected stories about my great-grandmother Ruth and compiled them in a book to give my family. If you ever want to feel like an over-entitled little bitch, just sit down with old people and ask them about their childhoods.
I’m annoyed that I pay a couple hundred dollars per month for health insurance. In contrast, my great-grandmother gave birth to 4 of her 5 children at her house. And not in a whirlpool with a doula and a professional *birth photographer* capturing every precious moment. It probably involved a bucket of boiling water and a shot of whiskey. That was healthcare in rural 1940’s Arkansas.
Sometimes I imagine how I would describe my problems to my great-grandmother Ruth.
Ruth: What’s the problem, honey?
Me: *Sigh* I’m so stressed. I just don’t know how I’ll go on.
Ruth: Is it the War? Is your husband going over there?
Me: Oh, no, nothing like that.
Ruth: Is it a bad year for crops? Not enough rain?
Me: Um…no, I think the crops are good. It’s just…when I work from my air conditioned home…in my pajamas…making more money than you’ve ever seen…sometimes I get tired.
Ruth: *blank, unbelieving stare*
Me: I meant war! Yep, definitely war.
Do I have a right to complain? Not really. But I’m going to do it anyway.
All these projects consuming my time will come to a close in about six weeks.
Then, I will have more free time than I know what to do with.
And I’ll probably complain about it.